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Submitted_By: Donald Billings JokeWhy is Clinton such a lousy golfer? He likes to take a lot of strokes. Why does Clinton swim naked in the white house pool? He is trolling for interns. What is Clinton's worst nightmare? An intern with braces. Whats Clinton's Economic forecast? A Bare Market What is Clinton's number one training exercise for interns? Tounge Twisters... What's Bill Clinton's favorite sandwich? Tounge Sandwich What does Clinton have in common with a Timex watch? It takes a Licking and keeps on Dicking Why did Clinton recommend Lewinsky for a job at revlon? He knew she would be good at making things up. Why did Richardson offer her a job in the Foreign service? He thought she would be good at speaking in tongues. What is Clinton's Favorite outfit? The Sear Sucker Suit Why did Lewinsky have an affair with Clinton? She wanted to get ahead in the world. What does clinton do fist thing in the morning? Read the HEADlines... How many White House interns does it take to satisfy clinton? Nobody knows, he has never been satisfied. Submitted_By: Donald Billings JokeWhat is Lewinsky's code name in the FBI? Deep Throat What is Clinton's favorite toy? An Erector Set What is Clinton's favorite card game? Poker What is Clinton's favorite food? The Cumquat What is Clinton's favorite T.V. Show? Leave it to Beaver What's Clinton's favorite song? Grooving What's Bill Clinton's favorite brand of potato chips? Lays What is Clinton's Favorite Presidential Act? Edict What office equipment has been distributed to all white house secretaries? The Dick-taphone What is the unwritten Executive Privilege? Having first pick of the new White House Interns. Why would Clinton make a great rowing instructor? Because he is so good at say, Stroke, Stroke, Stroke. Submitted_By: Donald Billing JokeWhats Lewinsky's favorite bird? The swallow How many White House Interns does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they are to busy screwing the President. Why did Clinton cross the road? To get to the intern on the other side, of course Why did the intern cross the road? To get to the BOOK CONTRACT she needed to sign on the other side What was Lewinsky's position at the white house? 1.Head Intern 2.Under Secretary 3.Missionary Submitted_By: Donald Billings JokeHow did Bill Clinton paralyze Hillary from the waist down? He married her. How many women does it take to satisfy Bill Clinton's sexual appetite? It Takes A Village When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat? When she didn't swallow everything he presented. What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo? A gigolo can only screw one person at a time. What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin? A girl that can run faster than the Governor. What game did Bill Clinton want Paula Jones to play? Swallow the leader Why is Clinton so interested in events in the Middle East? He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar. What's the difference between the Secret Service and Janet Reno? There are some things the Secret Service won't do to protect the President. Did you hear Clinton is declaring a new National Bird? The Spread Eagle Submitted_By: Donald Billings JokeWhat's the new press name for the latest Presidential scandal? Fornigate. What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common? They were both upset when Bill finished first. What is Bill's definition of safe sex? When Hillary is out of town. What is the difference between Clinton and the Titanic? Only 200 women went down on the Titanic. How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House? He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride. What does Bill say to Hillary after a romantic interlude? Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes. Why does Bill Clinton cheat on Hillary? He wants to be on top. Submitted_By: Donald Billings JokeWhat did the Chinese Premier say to Clinton as he boarded Air Force One to leave China? Rotsa Ruck on your next erection! Clinton has recommended to the Olympic Committee a new event exclusively for US Presidents and Sportscasters: Broad Jumping. What did Hillary Clinton change her name to? Sharon Peters What is Bill Clinton's favorite slogan? Give me liberty or give me head! In a survey of American women, when asked, Would you sleep with President Clinton, 86% replied, Not again What does Monica Lewinsky have on her Resume? Sat on the Presidential Staff Submitted_By: Anonymous JokeWhat's Clintons new nick name? Drippy Dick Submitted_By: Anonymous JokeDo you know what the FBI discovered the stains on Monica's dress actually were? A wad of Bill's. Submitted_By: Donald Billings JokeIf Clinton gets impeached he will be the first president to.... Get blowed out of office. Submitted_By: Elton John JokeWho is the odd one out? Captian Nemo (2000 legues under the sea), Ellen DeGenneres or Elvis. Elvis- The other two are divers! Submitted_By: Mike JokeA blonde and a brunette are sitting on a park bench. The brunette says to the blonde, " I just love my new boyfriend, except for one thing, he had dandruff until I gave him Head and Shoulders." The blonde thinks for a couple of minutes and then asks " How do you give a man shoulders?" Submitted_By: Crash JokeHow do you know when the White House has officially turned gay? The cigars start tasting like SHIT! Submitted_By: Anonymous JokeTwo Blonds are stranded on a Desert Island. One day they find a lamp. After Polishing the lamp (to see her reflection a little more clearly, of course) the first Blond was Absolutely Shocked when smok started pouring out of the lamp and a Genie appears! As the Genie patiently explains (for the 10th time) the situation, the first Blond finally gets the idea and Wishes to be Smart Enough to get off the Island. The Genie nods his head Wisely and POOF! the Blond turns into a MAN and looks around the Island, finds the only source of lumber, a Palm tree, quickly constructs a crude Raft and floats to the Mainland. The second Blond request the same wish. The Genie shakes his head at the Blond, but agrees to the Wish. After thinking for a few minutes the Genie starts laughing and POOF! The Blond turns into a curvasious REDHEAD, looks around the Island and quickly WALKS ACROSS THE BRIDGE TO THE MAINLAND. Submitted_By: Janice JokeLadies, what is the worst thing about having a cold and being on your period at the same time? Everytime you sneeze, your tampon flies out. Submitted_By: tommy JokeBob had some friends over one day for a party. When one of his friends, Larry, noticed a tampon sitting on top of the TV. Larry, curious, asked Bob why he had a tampon sitting on top of his TV? "Well," Bob replied, "it`s to remind me of the cunt that took the VCR." Submitted_By: phish JokeWhen I was young and really brave. My cock would stand and watch me shave. Now I'm old and have the blues. It just see's me tie my shoes. Submitted_By: Lone Gunmen JokeA couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved. The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman. The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!" The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually. The 8-year-old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?" At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home slamming himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?" The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!" Submitted_By: Lone Gunmen JokeA Rabbi, a Hindu and President Clinton were traveling late at night. There was no motel in sight and they were all very tired. They spotted a farmhouse in the distance, so they decided to stop. They knocked on the door. A farmer answered. "Please forgive us for disturbing you so late at night. Could we possibly stay here this evening? There is no inn for miles around," they all said. "Sure," said the farmer, "except that I have only two spare cots. One of you will have to sleep in the barn with the cow and the pig." So the Rabbi volunteered to sleep in the barn. Five minutes later there was a knock on the farmhouse door. It was the Rabbi. "I'm sorry," he said. "It's forbidden in my faith to eat the meat of a pig. I find it abhorrent to share sleeping quarters with one, as well. Will one of you change places with me?" So the Hindu volunteered to sleep in the barn. Another five minutes later, there is another knock on the farmhouse door. This time, it was the Hindu. Forgive me," he said. "Cows are sacred in my faith, and I find it uncomfortable to sleep in the same space with one." "All right," reluctantly volunteered the President. "I'll go sleep in the barn." Two minutes later, there was yet another knock on the farmhouse door. It was the cow and the pig. Submitted_By: Mason JokeAn old man is sitting on his front porch when he sees a little boy walking down the street with his arms full of chicken wire. The old man asks "Hey sonny, where are you going with all that chicken wire?" The boy replies "I'm gonna' catch me some chickens." The old man says "Boy, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" And the boy says "Well, I'm gonna' try." Later that day the old man sees the boy walking back with his arms full of chickens. The next day the old man sees the little boy carrying a roll of duck tape and says "Little boy where are you going with that duct tape?" The little boy says "I'm gonna catch me some ducks." The old man says "Boy, don't you know you can't catch ducks with duck tape." And the little boy says "Well, I'm gonna try." Later that day the old man sees the little boy with his arms full of ducks. The next day the old man sees the little boy carrying a load of branches and asks "Hey son, where are you going with all those branches?" The little boy says "Well sir these branches are pussy willows..." The old man says "Wait, let me grab my hat." Submitted_By: Lloyd JokeTwo Texans are riding the range and checking their fences when they come across a sheep thats caught in the wire. One cowboy decides to take advantage. He drops his pants, grabs the sheep and proceeds to hump furiously. In his excitement he is pulling on the sheep's ears and the animal is screaming wildly. When the cowboy finishes he pulls up his pants. He asks his friend if he wants some before he frees the sheep. He answers; "Well OK, but don't pull on my ears so hard!" Submitted_By: Joyce JokeA curvaceous blond wearing a very tight mini skirt heads down into the subway and decides to get a shoe shine. She climbs up into the seat and guy starts shining her shoes. He's only human and can't help looking right into her crotch which is just inches from his face. After a few minutes the blond says to the guy, "You know, Mr., you're no gentleman." the man replies, "You know lady, you're no blonde." Submitted_By: Bottom JokeAn older gentleman was standing at a bus stop,observing a young man with orange, green, and blue spiked hair, a pierced nose ring, and colored eye makeup. After a few moments, the young man turned to the old guy and said, What's the matter, pops ain't you ever done anything wild? The old man smiled and said well yes i have. I once got drunk and had sex with a parrot. I couldn't help wondering if you might be my son. Submitted_By: Bottom JokeTwo yokels pooled their money and bought an expensive bird dog. They took him to the country to try him out. After several hours, one of them said, I'm so disgusted. I think I'll shoot him. Give him one more chance, repilied the other. You throw him up in the air one more time, and if he still doesn't fly, we'll go and get our money back. |