This Site Made Possible By Don's World - Where Real Adults Go To Play
Submitted_By: Anonymous JokeThese are things people actually said in court, word for word: Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? Q: How old is your son, the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? A: Yes, sir. Q: What did she say? A: "What disco am I at?" Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war? Q: Did he kill you? Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? Q: How many times have you committed suicide? Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? A: I went to Europe, Sir. Q: And you took your new wife? Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or a female? Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law. Submitted_By: Anonymous Jokewhat does monica and a change machine have in common? they both say insert bill here. Submitted_By: ARMAGGEDDON_1999 JokeA black guy walks into a bar and sits down. He orders a beer and waits for the bartender to bring it to him. As he looks around the bar he sees a donkey tied to a post near the wall. When the bartender comes back, he asks him, "Hey, what's up with the donkey over there?" The bartender replies "It's part of a house bet: if you can make the donkey laugh you win five thousand dollars". Hearing this, several men run over and start tickling the donkey and telling it jokes...the donkey doesn't crack a smile. So the black guy walks over, whispers something in the donkey's ear, and the donkey breaks out laughing. The guy get his money from the bartender and leaves. The next week he returns and there is a new game: "If you can make the donkey cry you get ten thousand dollars!!!" Immediately a bunch of men run over and begin whaling on the donkey with all their might...the donkey doesn't bat an eye. Once again the balck guy calmly walks over to the donkey, makes a strange motion at the animal and suddenly the donkey breaks out in a fit of crocodile tears. When he approachs the bartender to get paid, the bartender asks him how the hell he managed to pull it off. The black guy calmly responds "Well, the first time I told the donkey that my dick was bigger than his was; this time.....I showed it ot him!!!!" Submitted_By: Donald Billings JokeWhat do you get when you mix viagra with rogaine
Don King Submitted_By: Donald Billings JokeWhat happens if you get the viagra pill stuck in your throat?
You get a stiff neck! Submitted_By: Dollar Bill JokeA college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family. A wisecracking student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?" As you would expect,the class exploded in laughter. When the students finally settled down, the professor gave the student a long, appraising look. "Well", he responded, "I guess you'll just have to write with your other hand". Submitted_By: Cheyene_kid JokeOne night a man and his wife was sitting at a bar drinking, the man asks his wife if they could fuck tonight. The woman replied no!! They soon started arguing.. Finally she got off her stool and said "I am not going to fight no more." and left the bar to go home. Well the husband stayed at the bar until 2 am.. The bartender said "Ok bud, time to close." And the bartender called the man a cab to take him home. Later in the cab the man thinks to himself, "I am going to get pussy from her rather she likes or not..." The cab arrives at the man's house, he goes inside, upstairs to the bedroom. There he see his wife laying in bed. He gets into the covers and starts finger banging the woman, eats her out and plays with her tits, and just when he was going to stick his dick in her, he pauses and thinks, "I probably should take a leak before fucking her." The man goes to the bathroom, opens the door and sees his wife sitting on the toilet. The man screams, "What the fuck is going on here!! Who in the hell is in our bed!!!" The wife replies, "SSHHHHHH don't wake up your mother...." Submitted_By: Barney Monticello JokeThree men are driving cross country. On one very late night, one of the drivers spots an old farm and pulls over. The farmer agrees to let them stay only if they don't fuck his daughter. In the middle of the night, as insurance, the farmer inserts razor blades into his daughter's pussy. THe next morning at breakfast, the farmer orders the men, one by one, to take their pants off. The first one does and his cock is all cut up, the farmer hits him. The second man, same thing. The third guy pulls down his pants and his cock is fine. The farmer releived says, "finally, someone I can trust." The man replies, "thamk ou berry muck sir." Submitted_By: Barney Monticello JokeThree men are driving cross country. On one very late night, one of the drivers spots an old farm and pulls over. The farmer agrees to let them stay only if they don't fuck his daughter. In the middle of the night, as insurance, the farmer inserts razor blades into his daughter's pussy. THe next morning at breakfast, the farmer orders the men, one by one, to take their pants off. The first one does and his cock is all cut up, the farmer hits him. The second man, same thing. The third guy pulls down his pants and his cock is fine. The farmer releived says, "finally, someone I can trust." The man replies, "thamk ou berry muck sir." Submitted_By: Anonymous JokeWhat dose bill clinton and the titanic have in common? we know how many people went down on the titanic. Submitted_By: Anonymous JokeAn old farmer is having trouble getting his bull to breed with the cows and is lamenting the fact to a few of his friends down at the local beer hall. One of them says, "Ya know, Ben, I used to have the same trouble with my bull, but I got it fixed really quick." "How did you get it fixed?" "Well, I just dipped my finger in the cow's vagina and rubbed it all over the bull's nose and he got right after her." Ben goes home to the farm and decides to try it. He grabs a cow, dips his fingers in the cow's vagina and rubs it all around the bull's nose. The bull gets a rip roaring boner and jumps on the cow immediately. Ben was impressed. That night, Ben gets into bed with his wife and can't get the effect on the bull out of his mind. As she lays sleeping, Ben dips his fingers into his wife's vagina and feeling that it's nice and wet, he rubs it all around his nose and gets a rip roaring hard on. He quickly shakes his wife awake and cries out, "Honey, look!" She rolls over, turns on the light and says, "You mean you woke me up in the middle of the night just to show me that you have a nosebleed?" Submitted_By: Donald Billings JokeAl Gore is one orgasm away from the White House. What do you call Clinton's fly? U.S. Open What did Clinton say when asked about the scandal? I was trying to keep my campaign promise by putting more women on my staff. Do you know who Hillary has asked to stay at the White House? Lorena Bobbitt Why are they asking for $3.00 Presidential funds in this year's tax returns (Last year it was only $1.00) Because The condom prises have gone up! What is the difference between the president and the titanic? They know exactly how many people went down on the titanic. When can you tell that the country is in trouble? Clinton has been caught with Al thinking it was Mal. What did Clinton say to the new female intern? I haven't come across your face. What did Clinton say when Paula Jones went public with her story? NOW she decides to open her mouth Submitted_By: Donald Billings JokeWhat did monica say when the FBI ask for the Dress? Come and get it. What was clinton's last gift to Monica? Spot remover. How can you tell you've just had sex with Bill Clinton? You've got french fries in your hair, and Vernon Jordan is handing you a job application. What do Monica & the Green Bay Packers have in common? They both blew it. Why does Clinton wear boxers? To keep his ankles warm. What do Monica & OJ Simpson have in common? Sore knees. Why did Clinton quit the saxophone? So he could play that Hoarmonica Did you hear about the 11th comandment Clinton introduced? Thou shallst not expose thou rod to thy staff What do you get when you cross a crooked politician with a crooked lawyer? CHELSEA What will Bill Clinton be known as when he leaves the White House? The President after Bush What is the name of Monica Lewinsky's new book? My Taste For Power How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying? His lips are moving What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a dog? A dog chases his own tail What is Clinton's codename? The Unibanger Submitted_By: Donald Billings JokeWhat do Isakoff and Ice Cream have in common? Both get scooped regularly. How does Clinton order his coffee in the morning? Hot with Whipped Cream Whats Clinton favorite place in the White House? The Oval Orifice What magazine does Clinton hate? WIRED What is the latest warning to be posted in the White House? Don't Tripp What did Clinton say the night after the Lewinsky story broke? What A Bad Tripp What does Nixon have in common with Clinton? Tricky Dick Whats the difference between Bill Clintons dick and a quebec Hydro tower? A quebec Hydro tower comes down occassionally What do Sleeping Beauty and Lewinsky have in common? Both were Pricked. What do OJ and Clinton have in common? Both are lying, bad golfers, who leave a trail of DNA behind. What do Clinton and Starr have in common? They are both inclined to extend their probes. Is the President having sex with Tipper Gore? No, but by this time next year she will be having sex with the president. What was Arafat's Advice to Clinton? Goats don't talk What did Gore say after the Lewinsky story broke? Why do they call me the stiff man in the White House? |